He who learns must suffer. And even in our sleep, pain that cannot forget falls drop by drop upon the heart, and in our own despair, against our will, comes wisdom to us by the awful grace of God. ~ Aeschylus
This picture was taken on the day of Moriah's wedding. This day should
have been joyful but instead marks the beginning of a season of wrestling with personal rejection, character assassination, false accusation, spiritual abuse, the loss of dear friends and most significantly - the loss of relationship with one of my dearest friends - my firstborn daughter.
It feels like an insanely long stretch of learning through hard days which are far from over. As I write this, it has been over two and a half years since my daughter has been home to visit. The truth of Aeschylus' quote above has been my heart cry and a glimmer of hope that the hardest hard would yield some wisdom and growth.
Because of my brokenness, I felt I had nothing to offer others. I was terrified that if I in any way indicated knowledge of how to navigate this hard thing called life it would be fraudulent. Through lots of tears and now years of looking at life through a shattered lens, it has become evident that the most common craving in every one of us is to feel a sense of connection. We all want to look across the room and be able to say "you too, I thought it was just me." The broken places are where the light shines through and where we can find that common connection.
In this quiet pain of learning through suffering the Lord has been impressing on me the importance of resonance and reflection. If pictures and words are a means of reflecting Christ in the messy middle than withholding them would be wrong. The vulnerability of raw life is a concept I have come to love these past few years. What better way to contribute to a connection than by chronicling the raw and real of our imperfections. God's grace has been evident every single raw day. I am quite content to stay in my comfort zone of high emotional walls and surface conversations but out of obedience, it is time to step back into the arena of vulnerability through pen and lens.
When you don’t give up, there is a blessing for you on the other side, but that doesn’t mean you won’t have a limp. ~ Kyle Idleman
Here's to limping along with you my friends, and praying that the evidence of God's grace would resonate through words and pictures as I vulnerably post again.
This God—His way is perfect; the word of the Lord proves true; He is a shield for all who take refuge in him. For who is God, but the Lord? And who is a rock, except our God? The God who equipped me with strength and made my way blameless. Psalm 18:30-32
My husband always said, "Never trust a man who doesn't limp." Welcome to the fellowship of the "limpers." We, like Jacob, lean on our crutch and worship God. And out of our pain, He brings redemption--not how we think it should be or expect it to be--but even more poignant when we finally see His purpose for allowing our pain. Pain that was over 20 years in duration in my life has now borne fruit--and I can truly say I am grateful--not for the pain, but for the deep well I now have to comfort others and shine light and redemption into their broken places. Hugs and love. There are three great books I recommend to fellow sufferers: Don't Waste Your Sorrows by Paul Billheimer and "Pain, Perplexity and Promotion as well as The Fire of Delayed Answers by Bob Sorge. They brought me comfort, along with the Psalms and Jeremiah, and I recommend them to all for whom life is filled with anguish. Hugs to your brave heart. XO
ReplyDeleteYou too... ❤️.
ReplyDeleteWith a battered heart that is not quite as heavy as it once was, I want to say me too. Us too. And for a long while we felt WE were the only ones, so it is heartening to see God's Grace in the opportunities to be encourage and be encouraged. For we are afflicted, but not crushed... Struck down, but not destroyed... ❤️
Thank you for sharing your pain,your wisdom and rawness. I am blessed and though our circumstances are not the same, similar,Our God is the same and He is my strength and joy comes in the morning. Bless U, love U
ReplyDeleteAs your Mother and sharing the pain of being abruptly cut off, without any reason given, from my first born Grandchild, I applaud you. Just this January, I determined to replace gut shattering sadness, not only my own, but watching your family's also, with hope. It is my word for the year and I am immersing myself in all words of Hope. I am holding my head high, repenting to those I have hurt when I put up walls of protection, and stepping out once again, believing and hoping and waiting for redemption. Thank you for stepping out and being so bravely broken: I with you and for you, and I'm proud of you
ReplyDelete“How blessed is the man whose strength is in You, in whose heart are the highways of Zion! Passing through the valley of Baca (weeping) they make it a place of springs; the early rain also covers it with blessings. They go from strength to strength, everyone of them appears before God in Zion.”Psalm 84:5-7 I’m so sorry Amber. May our God turn your valley of weeping into a place overflowing with His blessings. We have shared in this pain with my in-laws who walked through a very similar story with their daughter. It’s heart wrenching.... But our Lord Jesus is a mighty warrior. He is fighting your battle in the unseen places and so many are praying “victory!!” on your behalf.
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