Jeffrey ~ God's peace and the gift we grieved before we celebrated....

It was March and we were caretaking at the home of my grandparents in Wenatchee.  Moriah was a busy and joyful 2 1/2 year old and we were getting used to the routine and blessing of Jordan's new job at Everett Fire Dept.

We were praying for a brother for our little girl and waiting....so excited to have more little ones to raise up in the Lord.  I had a couple-day hunch ~ and then he was gone.  Before we could even celebrate the gift of baby coming, this baby was in heaven.  How can an early miscarriage carry so much emotion and a heart burst with love for a little one that you haven't even met?  The heart of a mother and a father during those times is such a small but maybe accurate reflection of how much God loves us.  So we cried together in each other's arms wondering why and waiting on God and wishing for some answers as to why we had to say goodbye before we could even kiss him hello...

I remember the phone call as if it were yesterday...Jordan called his dad to give him the news.  Not that we were pregnant but that he was already gone.  Hard days.  Sick days.  I wasn't shaking the all-day sickness that should be subsiding a little by now.  I carried around a soup pot with me everywhere, afraid I would lose my cookies at any moment.  Sweet Moriah did everything her little two-year-old self could do to make mommy more comfortable but it got worse.

Finally Jordan and I decided to seek some medical help for the sickness that wouldn't stop.  Dr #1 said everything would be fine just give it time.....so I waited some more and nothing changed.  Dr #2 decided that something wasn't matching up with my story and decided to do an ultrasound...

The dark room seemed to expode with hope and joy as all of the sudden this little peanut with a beating heart showed up on the screen!  WHAT??? we both said through tears?? He is already gone we had been told by the doctors a couple weeks ago.  There he was - our miracle gift that we had grieved the loss of for several weeks already.  Still there were some unanswered questions though.  It appeared that there had been a miscarriage...your twin.  We miss him to this very day.  There are times when your dad and I will look in the rearview mirror at the carful of kids the Lord has blessed us with and get all teary knowing that we are missing one.  The ache is deep and we long for the day when we will meet him in heaven.  We know you too have ached for that brother....we will all be able to hug him someday in heaven - oh the joy of reunion!

This was not a normal pregnancy though, and our little man inside looked healthy enough but his watery home was a little precarious.  Bedrest is a bit of a mommy nightmare with little ones.  It is an opportunity to grow in humility and in gracious receiving as others do the tasks that have your name on them.  This was our family story for about five months after we learned that Jeff's twin was already gone and in order to keep Jeff healthy I must be still.

Psalm 46:10  Be still and know that I am God....

Little Moriah learned to tuck herself in for a nap, get up in the morning and come find mommy in bed so we could snuggle when Jordan was on duty. She brought me all sorts of things - wanted and unwanted :-)

He grew stronger inside me and big!  Oh my this little man grew bigger than any of my other babies and when hunting season rolled around and I shouldered a gun, Jordan and I both just burst out laughing.  The combination of a very large momma hunting for deer made us laugh so hard that we decided I would be quite a distraction and should maybe sit this year out!

He kept growing....and I wore clothes in sizes I had never ever imagined needing :-)

December rolled around and it was nearing Christmas....he was due on Christmas Eve....can't think of a more amazing gift than that of a son to remind us of the Son who came.

Labor was long....33 hours,  but kissing those chubby little cheeks through oh-so-many tears was worth every bit of this challenge.

Since the time you were very small you have taken it upon yourself to be the man in the family whenever dad is at work.  You bless me consistently with your tender, thoughtful care.  When you were little it was hugs and kisses and as you have grown to be the young man that you are today I am blessed daily by your care of your momma.  As I am compiling this list of the ways you bless this family it just makes me smile and cry at the same time....

hot cups of tea for weary mom

cooking meals anytime, anywhere

the way you have always copied your dad

your hysterical accents

the way you have always honored and respected your Grandpas

your protection of my health and how you step in on the heavy stuff

the way you were born to hunt....it's in your blood

back rubs while I read chapter books aloud

the way you are always fighting for something good

the way you model Christ to your brother

the way you loved to snuggle fish

the way you handle money - so carefully yet lavishly generous

the way you are content with so little and I have to drag the "list" out of you if you every need stuff

the way you shoulder a man size pack

the way you haul army stuff with you wherever you go

Son, as you turn 13, your dad and I are overwhelmed at God's grace in our life and yours.  We are so thankful for what he has brought us through together and look forward with anticipaction to this next season of your life.  God has been so faithful and we are confident in this....

He who began a good work in you, will bring it to completion at the day of Christ Jesus Phil 1:6

We love you son ~ Happy Birthday