Though the fig tree does not bud and no fruit is on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though the sheep are cut off from the fold and no cattle are in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my savior. Habakkuk 3:17-18
What precedes our yet often is the means to reflect the goodness of God through our broken places. God is good, not because of what I have or don't have but because of who he is.
God. Is. Good. Not because of what I have or don't have but because of who he is.
Thirteen years ago I started a gratitude journal at the prompting of my cyber-mentor Ann Voskamp. In her book 1000 Gifts, she outlined the importance of maintaining an attitude of gratitude unrelated to our feeling of circumstantial control. The very idea that God's goodness in the hard ugly is as evident as in the beautiful is a concept I wrestle with deeply. Ann is absolutely right though. Everything from the hand of God is a gift and we need to exercise the discipline of gratitude no matter what.
About three years ago I put that "stupid journal" on the shelf. I was unconvinced that there was very much to be thankful for in the face of horrible pain and loss. It felt like a ridiculous "Pollyanna" facade listing thankfulness for blooming flowers when I felt like I was all shriveled up on the inside. That journal gathered dust, got shoved to the back of the shelves and just plain irritated me. God's gracious patience with my hurting heart is immeasurable. He never stops pursuing us. His patience is unending and slowly, snail's pace slowly, I started to reconsider the idea of gratitude journaling again. That 'yet' verse kept rumbling around in my heart as I wrestled with lots of questions.
If I was unwilling to be grateful when my circumstances were not what I would choose, was my gratefulness when everything was going "my" way sincere?
Did I dare to think I was the decider of what was and wasn't a good thing?
If my gratitude was circumstantial than was I doomed to a rollercoaster of contentment based on life's inevitable highs and lows?
Back to that verse - though the fig tree does not bud and no fruit is on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though the sheep are cut off from the fold and no cattle are in the stalls...
So the prophet Habbakuk was using a yardstick of failures and losses to depict the current scenario - no fruit on trees or vines, no crops in the field, and no livestock! Basically no means of securing the necessities of life. With this grim picture in mind, I began to take a personal look at my yardstick of losses and to be very honest, I am coming up short on loss and long on grace. That gratitude journal needs to be dusted off and the discipline of counting must begin again.
One of the ways of recounting grace and living through the lens of gratitude is our Evidence of Grace albums that are posted every Friday. Getting knocked flat from loss and grief has taken a toll on the discipline of consistent counting. Every once in a while these past three years, I would attempt to get back on my feet and throw a half-hearted single shot on Instagram every now and then as an attempted rekindle. God is restoring me and though I walk with a limp, I am determined by his grace to diligently count with gratitude the raw and real of our days. And if not - God is still good.
Only those who limp are truly trustworthy!
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