Firm Foundations

So...building on a firm foundation this week and 

it is reminding me of this hymn ~ 

1. How firm a foundation, ye saints of the Lord,
   Is laid for your faith in His excellent word!
   What more can He say than to you He hath said—
   To you who for refuge to Jesus have fled?
2. “Fear not, I am with thee, oh, be not dismayed,
   For I am thy God, and will still give thee aid;
   I’ll strengthen thee, help thee, and cause thee to stand,
   Upheld by My gracious, omnipotent hand.
3. “When through the deep waters I call thee to go,
   The rivers of sorrow shall not overflow;
   For I will be with thee thy trouble to bless,
   And sanctify to thee thy deepest distress.
4. “When through fiery trials thy pathway shall lie,
   My grace, all-sufficient, shall be thy supply;
   The flame shall not harm thee; I only design
   Thy dross to consume and thy gold to refine.
5. “The soul that on Jesus doth lean for repose,
   I will not, I will not, desert to his foes;
   That soul, though all hell should endeavor to shake,
   I’ll never, no never, no never forsake.”

...and this from last Sunday because it makes me laugh.

Plate Size, Protection and Peace

So.....I am entering a different phase of life.  This one is taking some getting used to and has not been without it's share of personal opposition.  For as long as I can remember, as long as I have been blessed to be married to Jordan and as long as I have been honored to be called mom, I have attempted to do it all.  I love having a full plate - the size of a platter as Mark Driscoll calls it!  Saying yes is fun, exciting, adventurous and rewarding.  Saying yes also causes burnout, lack of margin,  joints that are screaming for a break, and an inability to keep first things first and therefore imbalance in what God has called me to do.  All this to say, Jordan has asked me not to put on a tool belt and work alongside him in the construction of this next house.

Ouch!  Talk about wrestling with feelings of being put on the shelf, retired, aging and weakness.  In processing these feelings, I have been convicted of my tendencies to find my worth and value in what I accomplish and not who I am in Christ.  By letting this part of my identity as "the building wife" go and honoring Jordan's desire to protect me, I am finding a freedom. It's a freedom in being able to spend the time I really need to in cooking for my family, planning for the kids education, administrating details for the building project and just being present for the kids.  It is a concious effort to not pick up that hammer or skill saw and it will be even tougher as the project rounds the bend into full swing. But for now...I am leaving my tool belt on the hook under the stairs and thanking God for a husband who loves me enough to help me set limits and to pursue the priorities that are best.

In being vulnerable about this strange and good set of circumstances set before me, maybe it will cause some of you to evaluate your plateful of activities and commitements.  What is occupying you?  Is the right thing at the wrong time, the wrong thing?

Perspective from Belize

So we traveled far last week.....three hours in the car, 4 hours on a plane, another 2 hours on a plane, another hour in the car.  We arrived in another world yet it was exactly the same in so many ways.  Time seemed of no consequence.  Cell phones and watches were tucked away and we traversed the day immersed in a sense of God's timing for all things and not our own agenda.  It was wonderful, faith building, messy, stretching and refreshing!  The kids and I shared a week with dear friends in a little village of Belize.  We walked the dusty roads, shared meals together, worked side by side to love the people of this little place called Las Flores.

 When time is of little consequence there is a perspective that shines bright.  God's ways are not our ways, His timing is not ours but His ways and His timing are perfect!  We traveled far to work with our hands in an orphange filled with children.  When we arrived, we learned that the orphanage we planned to spend the week working in was already receiving help by many who had also traveled far.  The Lord closed that door of ministry to swing wide another that was more perfect than we could have even imagined.  Just down the road from where we were staying, there was a tired little house with peeling green paint.  Next to the house was an open room with rusty folding chairs used for church every night.  On the other side of the tired green house was a little space about the size of a cozy utility room.  That space is called Anna's Kitchen.

 Miss Anna and her mountain moving faith, feed hungry children every day during the school lunch hour.  Anna and her dear husband have four children of their own and often aren't sure how they will pay their electric bill.  But on faith, she fixes food for hungry tummies every day wether she has run out of propane and must cook on an open fire or in the confines of the tiny little kitchen.  The children and I, along with dear friends were blessed with the time and resources to give Anna's Kitchen a face lift.

Moriah braiding Clarissa's hair...this dear girl lives behind the kitchen with her mother.  Miss Anna and her husband took them in to escape a hurtful father.

Little Anna, Miss Anna's daughter sand Samarah Jo became dear friends

Jeff had a pile of boys hanging around him all week that loved borrowing his sunglassas and playing soccer with him.

By helping her, she encouraged us in our faith and constantly gave glory to God in her words and actions.  We learned so much about sparrow faith and what is really important.  So many irons in the fire as we return home to our harried pace of life.  Praying that God would help me to retain the lessons of perpective, priority and peace that seemed to speak so loudly in a little village of Belize.

The Breaking But Happy Momma Heart

Was I just not listening in those early days of diapers, dishes and dirt or did nobody mention how my heart would break a bit at a time as I watched my babies grow up and become adults?  How can a heart by so thankful for God's goodness and growth and so broken for what is already gone at the same time?

We were just in the throws of tutus for dance and learning to ride a bike....

Now she's filing taxes, shopping for a car and ordering checks!  

They are each instruments in our hands for a blink..

Use the days of littles wisely...

They are almost gone.

So I am counting God's grace for my oldest daily in an effort to keep perspective and to keep my eyes on Him who comforts.  God is faithful and I am greatful daily for new mercies and for the blessing of being mom.

~ She loves Jesus with all her heart
~She loves her family by serving the needs of those around her
~She is actively mentoring her siblings in godliness
~She is running toward the finish line of school
~She has been blessed with an amazing barn management job
~She is such a dear friend
~She makes us all laugh with her dry sense of humor
~She loves the wild...there is a little bit of mountain woman in everything she does
~Sigh....thankful for all this and more daily

10 Things The Lord Continues To Teach Me....

1.  God is faithful in everything.

2.  Remembering God's faithfulness through writing is essential.

3.  Prayer is effective.

4.  Children love spontaneous adventures as much as routine.

5.  Boys can eat way more than I ever imagined.

6.  I love coffee dates with Jordan and would rearrange anything to spend more time with this man!

7.  Time with our children is so short....we must be purposeful.

8.  Schooling is only a small part of learning.

9.  Contentment is an attitude and cannot be determined by anything or anyone.

10.  God's timing is perfect in all things.

Hard Stops to Pray

The subject of consistent prayer has been nudging at me for many months now....

I have been convicted this year of the undeniable importance of being a prayer warrior momma.   As I have studied prayer and some of the pillars of the faith who have been effective prayer warriors, I have become convinced of one thing in particular.

The only thing that prevents me from praying more is me!

When I look at the incredibly full lives of women who have gone before me, all excuses for not praying consistently, sound hollow.  It sounds harsh, but I am convinced of the truth of this statement...

"The extent of prayer in ones life is a direct function of whether something else has been set up as more important than God"

Ouch....all those busy mommy thoughts that have crowded out prayer time seem to be resounding in my head....

Is the clean kitchen more important that stopping to pray?

Is this next load of laundry getting rotated more important than stopping to pray?

Is this dirty floor that needs a quick scrub more important than stopping to pray?

Is this facebook message more important than stopping to pray?

This past fall, I have experimented with an new approach to prayer consistency and I am excited in the new year to continue and to spend more time with the Lord on my knees.  I have created "hard stops" during the day.  Times during the day when the alarm sounds and it is simply a reminder to stop and pray.  My children know this prayer alarm now and will often bring my phone to me and say "time to pray mom."

The more consistent this prayer time becomes, the more I need time on my knees with Him. 

Samual Chadwick said "Hurry is the death of prayer."

I have seen this in my own life...during times of hurry, the prayer journal lies quiet.  How sad.  During the times when I need God's grace in my life most, the recounting of His grace through gifts, is quiet.  I want my children to look back over my life and see the counted evidences of grace in hard and busy times as well as times that are more comfortably structured.  

Over the past seven years, I have been filling ruled paper with prayer letters for Jordan and the children.  I am so thankful that God's evident work in their lives is not dependent on my consistency.  In the hardest seasons of life, again, the prayer journal is quiet.  I want this to be different so that the children can see God's amazing, sustaining grace in every season of life.  

So as the new year dawns, I have committed to adding more hard stops to each day.  Moments to stop, seek the Lord, renew my mind and remember His sacrifice.  

The pleasent little ring tone that goes off at 11:50 a.m. has become part of every day.  I have found that I start watching the clock and looking forward to the moments set aside to pray.  Maybe that's how Daniel felt when he knelt three times daily to thank God (Daniel 6:10). Maybe that's what James was getting at when he penned "The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much (James 5:16).

If this year is my last, I want to leave a legacy of effective prayer.  So the alarm has been set.  Might you want to join me in consistently coming before the Lord at set times during the day.  He is faithful.

1 Peter 5:7  casting all your cares on Him, for He cares for you.

Jeffrey ~ God's peace and the gift we grieved before we celebrated....

It was March and we were caretaking at the home of my grandparents in Wenatchee.  Moriah was a busy and joyful 2 1/2 year old and we were getting used to the routine and blessing of Jordan's new job at Everett Fire Dept.

We were praying for a brother for our little girl and waiting....so excited to have more little ones to raise up in the Lord.  I had a couple-day hunch ~ and then he was gone.  Before we could even celebrate the gift of baby coming, this baby was in heaven.  How can an early miscarriage carry so much emotion and a heart burst with love for a little one that you haven't even met?  The heart of a mother and a father during those times is such a small but maybe accurate reflection of how much God loves us.  So we cried together in each other's arms wondering why and waiting on God and wishing for some answers as to why we had to say goodbye before we could even kiss him hello...

I remember the phone call as if it were yesterday...Jordan called his dad to give him the news.  Not that we were pregnant but that he was already gone.  Hard days.  Sick days.  I wasn't shaking the all-day sickness that should be subsiding a little by now.  I carried around a soup pot with me everywhere, afraid I would lose my cookies at any moment.  Sweet Moriah did everything her little two-year-old self could do to make mommy more comfortable but it got worse.

Finally Jordan and I decided to seek some medical help for the sickness that wouldn't stop.  Dr #1 said everything would be fine just give it time.....so I waited some more and nothing changed.  Dr #2 decided that something wasn't matching up with my story and decided to do an ultrasound...

The dark room seemed to expode with hope and joy as all of the sudden this little peanut with a beating heart showed up on the screen!  WHAT??? we both said through tears?? He is already gone we had been told by the doctors a couple weeks ago.  There he was - our miracle gift that we had grieved the loss of for several weeks already.  Still there were some unanswered questions though.  It appeared that there had been a miscarriage...your twin.  We miss him to this very day.  There are times when your dad and I will look in the rearview mirror at the carful of kids the Lord has blessed us with and get all teary knowing that we are missing one.  The ache is deep and we long for the day when we will meet him in heaven.  We know you too have ached for that brother....we will all be able to hug him someday in heaven - oh the joy of reunion!

This was not a normal pregnancy though, and our little man inside looked healthy enough but his watery home was a little precarious.  Bedrest is a bit of a mommy nightmare with little ones.  It is an opportunity to grow in humility and in gracious receiving as others do the tasks that have your name on them.  This was our family story for about five months after we learned that Jeff's twin was already gone and in order to keep Jeff healthy I must be still.

Psalm 46:10  Be still and know that I am God....

Little Moriah learned to tuck herself in for a nap, get up in the morning and come find mommy in bed so we could snuggle when Jordan was on duty. She brought me all sorts of things - wanted and unwanted :-)

He grew stronger inside me and big!  Oh my this little man grew bigger than any of my other babies and when hunting season rolled around and I shouldered a gun, Jordan and I both just burst out laughing.  The combination of a very large momma hunting for deer made us laugh so hard that we decided I would be quite a distraction and should maybe sit this year out!

He kept growing....and I wore clothes in sizes I had never ever imagined needing :-)

December rolled around and it was nearing Christmas....he was due on Christmas Eve....can't think of a more amazing gift than that of a son to remind us of the Son who came.

Labor was long....33 hours,  but kissing those chubby little cheeks through oh-so-many tears was worth every bit of this challenge.

Since the time you were very small you have taken it upon yourself to be the man in the family whenever dad is at work.  You bless me consistently with your tender, thoughtful care.  When you were little it was hugs and kisses and as you have grown to be the young man that you are today I am blessed daily by your care of your momma.  As I am compiling this list of the ways you bless this family it just makes me smile and cry at the same time....

hot cups of tea for weary mom

cooking meals anytime, anywhere

the way you have always copied your dad

your hysterical accents

the way you have always honored and respected your Grandpas

your protection of my health and how you step in on the heavy stuff

the way you were born to hunt....it's in your blood

back rubs while I read chapter books aloud

the way you are always fighting for something good

the way you model Christ to your brother

the way you loved to snuggle fish

the way you handle money - so carefully yet lavishly generous

the way you are content with so little and I have to drag the "list" out of you if you every need stuff

the way you shoulder a man size pack

the way you haul army stuff with you wherever you go

Son, as you turn 13, your dad and I are overwhelmed at God's grace in our life and yours.  We are so thankful for what he has brought us through together and look forward with anticipaction to this next season of your life.  God has been so faithful and we are confident in this....

He who began a good work in you, will bring it to completion at the day of Christ Jesus Phil 1:6

We love you son ~ Happy Birthday